An excerpt from my book, “How To Make $120,000 Your First Year As A Rental Agent”

The words we choose create our reality.
Does that sound like an exaggeration? In the realm of human experience, words have incredible power. They can inspire, entice, endear, or enrage. Words convey ideas, instill beliefs, and form the intricate weave of relationships. Words or phrases that have been spoken or written just once, have endured throughout decades and even centuries. “Ask not what your country can do for you…” (John F. Kennedy), “I have a dream…” (Martin Luther King, Jr), “Time is money” (Benjamin Franklin), “To be or not to be…” (Shakespeare), “United we stand…” (Aesop). You get the picture.

But more than communicating ideas, words can convey, and actually control, emotion. As we react to something in our environment, we immediately and subconsciously pair it with words. We give the experience a label. Let’s say you were counting on a commission from a young couple who left a deposit with you last week. You’d promised your loved one a special dinner to make up for the fact that you haven’t been home much lately. You have some trouble tracking the couple down for paperwork, and when you finally get them on the phone they tell you they found a better place and signed the lease a few days ago. Now, not only is the expensive dinner out, but you’re going to have to scramble just to cover your monthly bills!

How do you feel?

Different people will respond in different ways, and the differences will have little to do with how much each person is hurt by the situation. Instead, the way we react is often dependent on verbal habits of which we’re not even aware. For example – are you furious? Once you’ve labeled yourself such, you can bet your emotions will rise to the occasion. How dare they? They didn’t even call to tell me – they made me call them! You would carry this negative emotion with you all day – likely affecting your ability to be upbeat and positive with your clients, and possibly affecting how you deal with your loved one when you return home.

But how did you really feel? Did you really experience fury? Where you surprised? Disappointed? Guilty that you wouldn’t be able to deliver on a promise to your partner? You must know as an agent that this will happen periodically – so there it was; it happened. Shouldn’t happen again for a while. What if you simply said, “I’m annoyed.” Would the situation feel different to you than if you told yourself you were furious? Does it even make sense to label a reaction as “furious” when it’s simply a response to something that’s an inevitable part of the business? Chances are, whatever your response to a situation like this, it’s a typical and recurring word-choice for a host of other experiences, most of which don’t warrant it