Does that sound like an exaggeration? In the realm of human experience, words have incredible power. They can inspire, entice, endear, or enrage. Words convey ideas, instill beliefs, and form the intricate weave of relationships. Words or phrases that have been spoken or written just once, have endured throughout decades and even centuries. “Ask not what your country can do for you…” (John F. Kennedy), “I have a dream…” (Martin Luther King, Jr), “Time is money” (Benjamin Franklin), “To be or not to be…” (Shakespeare), “United we stand…” (Aesop). You get the picture.

But more than communicating ideas, words can convey, and actually control, emotion. As we react to something in our environment, we immediately and subconsciously pair it with words. We give the experience a label. Let’s say you were counting on a commission from a young couple who left a deposit with you last week. You’d promised your loved one a special dinner to make up for the fact that you haven’t been home much lately. You have some trouble tracking the couple down for paperwork, and when you finally get them on the phone they tell you they found a better place and signed the lease a few days ago. Now, not only is the expensive dinner out, but you’re going to have to scramble just to cover your monthly bills!

How do you feel?

Different people will respond in different ways, and the differences will have little to do with how much each person is hurt by the situation. Instead, the way we react is often dependent on verbal habits of which we’re not even aware. For example – are you furious? Once you’ve labeled yourself such, you can bet your emotions will rise to the occasion. How dare they? They didn’t even call to tell me – they made me call them! You would carry this negative emotion with you all day – likely affecting your ability to be upbeat and positive with your clients, and possibly affecting how you deal with your loved one when you return home.

But how did you really feel? Did you really experience fury? Where you surprised? Disappointed? Guilty that you wouldn’t be able to deliver on a promise to your partner? You must know as an agent that this will happen periodically – so there it was; it happened. Shouldn’t happen again for a while. What if you simply said, “I’m annoyed.” Would the situation feel different to you than if you told yourself you were furious? Does it even make sense to label a reaction as “furious” when it’s simply a response to something that’s an inevitable part of the business? Chances are, whatever your response to a situation like this, it’s a typical and recurring word-choice for a host of other experiences, most of which don’t warrant it.

We have a CHOICE of how we categorize our emotions. Most of us fall back into subconscious habit when we really have more POWER over our everyday experiences, and the direction of our lives, than we realize!

Consider the word “hate”. Do you know someone who frequently uses the word “hate?” How many times does the circumstance warrant such an extreme emotion? “I hate hotdogs.” “I hate going to the dentist.” “I hate traffic!”

“I’m not fond of hotdogs; I prefer hamburgers.”
“I’d prefer not to go to the dentist, but I know it’s for my own good.”
“I didn’t expect this traffic. Next time let’s leave early.”

In this way you don’t fight the very existence of something you don’t prefer or enjoy but instead maintain a positive control over your emotional state.

Or what about this?

“I had a fight with my wife last night.”
“Last night my wife and I had an argument.”
“My wife and I had something of a spirited debate.”

The words we use create our perception of reality and dictate the emotional response we attach to it. The simple act of changing our vocabulary can have a great impact on the way we feel, what we make others feel, and what we can accomplish in life.

The Oxford English Dictionary lists over 500,000 words, yet the average person has a working vocabulary of only 10,000 – 20,000 words, many of which we use only when writing, not when speaking! The amount of words we use in speech is further diminished when you realize that we tend to make a habit of a small set of words and use them over and over in a variety of circumstances.

Take the above example. How many times have you labeled yourself “furious” (or insert your own word) in the past month? Multiple times? If so, how many of those instances actually warranted such an intense response? Best-selling author and speaker Anthony Robbins has found that eliminating a word from your vocabulary can virtually eliminate that emotion from your life!

Try it yourself. Replace highly negative words with words that categorize the experience less intensely. Your new word choice should be one that empowers you! Consider the following:

Of course this doesn’t mean that you’re never “sad” or “irritated.” Throughout life different experiences demand any of our entire range of emotions. It’s part of the human experience. But the more words we bring into our habit of speaking, the more choices we have in dealing with each circumstance. Make a commitment to break old habits and transform the way you experience life!

This is the way words can have a powerful impact on your own emotions, perceptions, and abilities in your daily life. Now let’s look at the ways in which conscious word choice can affect those around you!